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The Birth of Sabali

It was a long, scenic road to birthing, the girl Sabali, like her name (meaning Patience) implies, is in no rush. I knew her time was nigh, so I drank raspberry tea AND raspberry smoothies just in case

Contractions began immediately, were about 10 – 13 minutes apart. “It might be 08 October” I tell her daddy late night on the 7th. I quickly get a belly cast done the next day knowing I won’t have this belly for long. The contractions stayed that way for the next day and the next (9^th), I concluded I was having “prodromol labour” (damn u Google!) and should just forget about it, it’s going to be couple a days

That evening, just before midnight I realise they are more intense, I time them, 5 minutes apart – “that’s cool, but I still have a long way to go”, so I chill. I am in my bedroom, the house is full and no one knows I am experiencing what I am experiencing (I don’t want to risk any dramatics)

It’s the day we’re doing a Purpose meditation led by Rakhem Seku as part of the CN28 system, normally I can’t attend because of the time difference, but this time, I had something to keep me awake at 3h30 in the morning! He leads us through the meditation - so beautiful! I leave my body, travel in space, swim in the waters of the ocean before receiving gifts and assurance. What a beautiful gift for our birthing!

When we finish it is around 4h30am, to me those contractions seem to be in one place. So I say eff it, let me sleep, I’ll wake up and deal with this when my birth companions get here later. I slept, intermittently. I would half-wake-up to breathe through a strong contraction, but I was asleep - I got lucid dreams, and couldn’t believe time had flown by so fast.

My daughter Aza woke up and saw me breathing through a heavy contraction, I threw up. I think she guessed what was happening. I said to her as she got up, “don’t tell anyone I am like this”, she nods, looking at me with her big beautiful brown eyes.

I knew my birth companions would be arriving at 09h30 for their appointment with me. Phone rings “Hello Bongeka, we by the gate”, the girls and my ma open for them. “How are you”, “I think I have been labouring”, I say.

Rosalia suspected a stomach bug, but I got a contraction, Sue looked at me once and said she thinks I am in labour. She checks, “Bongeka, you’re 9cm dilated, the baby’s head is here, feel it!” I feel it. I get up, that’s when I feel full in my lady garden, I realise she’s right. Rosalia prepares the bath. I get in. Oooooooohhh, that feels so good!!!! I have to breathe through the contractions, they are intense. They are at my back, thighs and flow to the front. 

Rosalia is wonderful; she massages my lower back bringing relief, while she keeps me smiling and even giggling in between contractions. Her and Sue are both so tranquil, I feel them. They talk to the girls, and give me confidence.

“I have to push” I think to myself. I need to get her out; she is heavy on my doorway now. I give a few gentle pushes, it’s such a wonderful feeling, I feel different contractions now, now there are contractions inside my vagina as well, they are uncontrolled and feel sporadic. I feel her move down. I feel full inside. I let out a roar. Sue pulls her shoulders, next thing I feel is the body sliding out. I turn around; there she is in the water. I can’t believe it. She frees her voice – big yell!! I realise we had a gentle birth.

Wow. That’s all I could say. Wow.

Welcome. I see you! What took you so long? Wow. She’s beautiful. Wow.

I move the cord, “another girl”; I am overjoyed, like I completed a marathon. I made it!

Placenta brings more contractions. It’s soon comes out. They take baby out to the bedroom, girls follow. Rosalia baths me. I feel in the water for the blood clots, I take them in my hand; they interest me, their feel. I look at them, a bright red sheet, thick, almost jelly like! It looks amazing!

I get out, I see her again. So beautiful!

Her father received her name during the pregnancy, and it rings true. Her name is Sabali.

Do something about it!

Art by : Yin-Yang Drawing - Yin-Yang Fine Art Print - Scarlett Royal via http://fineartamerica.com

I am due to birth in a month, I had it all set up in my mind – our new house, children playing out in the yard with the pets, and my lovely hubby holding the camera while I free-birth our beautiful baby boy / girl / twins to the world. We all rejoice, clap hands, and say a thanksgiving prayer before our beautiful life goes on as usual, only now we’re a family of 5.

“Err, no!” says the Universe.

My hubby has been overseas, in the Caribbean, on business for much of my pregnancy. Being a woman I been on him to get his visa ready since July already, and he, being a man, would say to me “nah don’t worry babe, I will be there”. Well, he mightn’t be! He is not a resident of South Africa or Jamaica, so no embassy is willing to assign him even a transit visa. Looks like he is NOT going to make it after all. Poof goes my fantasy!

I feel angry, I wanna cry – I do in fact. I tell him I told him! I’m thinking about my current situation - staying with my mama, there is no space for the kids and I as it is! Where are the kids going to sleep? Kicking them out of the bed for a baby might give them feelings of loss and jealousy? My mother is a medical professional, I fear she might feel a need to turn my beautiful free-birth into an emergency, sending me all this crippling fear-anxiety-stress-tension energy that I felt at my first medically assisted birth, and avoided at my second free birth. My mind’s racing in a 1000 different directions, but I know if I am to get through this, I can’t focus on any of that. So, what do I focus on?

I wanted to go all out, calling people who might know people who know people with connections. Put pressure on them to make sure my beau is here for me, for us, but then I thought, “Why”? Really!

Is “doing something about it” really going to help with anything? I mean I already have 2 good, strong men going all out trying to make sure I am not alone at the time of birth, so why am I doubting them, doubting the situation, doubting God(dess)? Maybe I think I’ll do a better job? Am I still seeking masculine solutions to satiate my Feminine? I need spiritual solutions! I need peace, intuition, imagination, optimism, trance and ritual, power.

I know that to many, and in the recesses of my own conditioned mind, I compare this to people who would rather pray in church instead of going out there and “doing something about it”. But who says I am not “doing something about it”?! If I call and ball and do all of this, it will just lead to a case of "too many chefs in the kitchen", because, as I’ve mentioned, 2 competent men are already on top of it trying their very best to resolve this.

I need to play a different role if I am to be of any assistance, of any value here. Why replicate the Masculine effort when I know for fact that the Yang doesn’t function on its own?

What I need, what we need, is some Feminine awakening, some juju and Yin magic. Some hope, trust and faith, assistance from the Higher Power.

Today being Friday, I decide the River, the resting place of Mama Oshun, is the place to go. And I am realising, I AM "doing something about it", in fact, I am doing a lot about it! Even Science has proven that all reality is energy, and that we can shift this energy / reality with the Feminine arts.

I choose to re-member the Feminine essence in all things, people and events. I choose to use it as my Yin mind, body emotions and spirit are equipped to do. I choose to recall that although Masculinity, Yang and external action are sacred, important and necessary, so are the subtler, mysterious, more magical sides to Creation. This is the place the Goddess governs, the place where my female nature gives me great advantage!

So, I pray, I visualize the greatest outcome for all of us, I collect oranges and honey for Mama Oshun, for myself!

I create the greatest life for us in my psychic, spiritual womb.

And you know what, even if I birth without him there, so what?! Yemaya Auset will be there, HetHru Oshun will be there, Maat and Sekert and all the Mothers who have birthed before me will be there, "woman’s intuition" will be there! So why should any of this threaten or disturb my peace?! It doesn’t make sense and I am done blaming the Masculine for it!!

Breathe, I am peaceful

Now, please excuse me ... I’ve got an appointment by the River...

Love is for my own benefit

I love another for my own sake

Love is selfless; but for a selfish reason.

It is for my own benefit that I love, not the other.

Love cracks open MY shell, brings ME closer to the Most High.

Love teaches me, grows me, grooms me

I know it is hard, being a feminine Being

We feel the pain, the hurt of it all

I love for the sake of love

Though it is SO hard at times, 

Because the person you’re loving does and will not behave the way you’d like them to.

I’ve heard people say “he doesn’t deserve you” “if he loved you he wouldn’t do this or that”. 

I hear this and I get it – my inner Feminist gets it ...

... But my inner Feminine does not

I feel we just don’t get it.

It tells me that we’re projecting; 

that this sadness, hurt and pain we feel, like all dis-ease, already has its’ cure within...

I find the cure in truth - we all reap what we sow.

The love you have given are the seeds you have sown, the rewards you will reap.

Whatever seeds he has sown, are his to reap, not yours.

These do affect each other, but they don’t effect each other.

It is in our power to choose love over comfort, bliss over resentment, peace & happiness over stress

And it is not right, not fair, to expect a man to do all this for us!

THAT is not feminist, oh but it is Feminine!

Pure Feminine Essense!

I am finding my peace and solace in Truth.

The Universal law (Truth) says :

“You reap what you sow” 

  

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"

 [Christianity]

 

 Karma

 The sum of a person's actions in this and previous states of existence, viewed as deciding their fate

 Destiny or fate, following as effect from cause.

 [Hindu, Buddhism]

 “The Threefold Law” or “Law of Three” 

Whatever energy a person puts out into the world, be it positive or negative, will be returned to that person three times

[Wicca, Pagan and most Pre-Judeo-Christian Belief systems]

"Law Of Causality"

Every action has a reaction

Each cause has an effect

Sometimes referred to as Newtons 3^rd law of motion 

Action = Reaction

[Physical Science, Metaphysical Science]

 

The "Laws Of Maat"  or "Laws of The Spirit"

(The Deities (Gods) of Africa, and other continents)

 

>> Herukhuti, Ogun, Mars (Law Of Causality, Action-Reaction)

 "... God does not punish or reward. You will have the comfort of controlling these for yourself ..."

 

>> Ausar, Mveliqanga, Atum (Law of Oneness) 

"What I do unto you, I do unto myself"

"... nothing or no one in the world can be against you. All experiences come to you to promote your reclamation of peace, that you may in turn acquire wisdom and spiritual power."

  >> The Goddess Maat (Law of Duality, Reciprocity)

"... Fulfilling God’s need is the highest act of love, and only through your love for God can you fulfill your love for others ..."

The all-encompassing “Ubuntu”

[Bantu Spiritual Science. Voudou. Kemet]

 

The universality of it all this tells me that this is TRUTH, not belief. 

So, whatever he does to “hurt” me are his seeds to reap,

and whatever I do in loving him are my seeds to reap.

There is no in between.

There is no “using” me or “playing” me

I don’t want this feeling in my heart anymore; this feeling like my heart is literally paining.

I want to love as I am loved by the All ... unconditionally

So, when I feel the pain of a love betrayed, or a man who is not sensitive to me, or whatever I am perceiving at that time,

I have learnt to wait until the clashing waves of my emotions quiet down.

As a sensitive female being I will take the hurt personally, so it is important to give myself time to feel, to go thru the darkness, grow and come out better to the Light in the end.

It is in the silences that we hear the voice of the Most High

As Bob Marley says “When you wake up in a quarrel every day, you’re giving isis [praises] to the devil I say”

I choose to wake up giving isis to the benevolent Creator, the Source of true, pure Love

The One who loves me unconditionally