Earth. Fire. Water. Air
All aspects of you. All aspects of me. All aspects of we. God and Goddess incarnates, Master of all Elements
Saturday, 05 January 2013
Tuesday, 16 October 2012
The Birth of Sabali
It was a long, scenic road to birthing, the girl Sabali, like her name (meaning
Patience) implies, is in no rush. I knew her time was nigh, so I drank raspberry
tea AND raspberry smoothies just in case
Contractions began immediately, were about 10 – 13 minutes apart. “It
might be 08 October” I tell her daddy late night on the 7th. I quickly get a
belly cast done the next day knowing I won’t have this belly for long. The contractions stayed
that way for the next day and the next (9th), I concluded I was
having “prodromol labour” (damn u Google!) and should just forget about it, it’s
going to be couple a days
That evening, just before midnight I realise they are more
intense, I time them, 5 minutes apart – “that’s cool, but I still have a long
way to go”, so I chill. I am in my bedroom, the house is full and no one knows I
am experiencing what I am experiencing (I don’t want to risk any dramatics)
It’s the day we’re doing a Purpose meditation led by Rakhem Seku
as part of the CN28 system, normally I can’t attend because of the time
difference, but this time, I had something to keep me awake at 3h30 in the
morning! He leads us through the meditation - so beautiful! I leave my body, travel
in space, swim in the waters of the ocean before receiving gifts and assurance.
What a beautiful gift for our birthing!
When we finish it is around 4h30am, to me those contractions seem
to be in one place. So I say eff it, let me sleep, I’ll wake up and deal with
this when my birth companions get here later. I slept, intermittently. I would
half-wake-up to breathe through a strong contraction, but I was asleep - I got
lucid dreams, and couldn’t believe time had flown by so fast.
My daughter Aza woke up and saw me breathing through a heavy
contraction, I threw up. I think she guessed what was happening. I said to her
as she got up, “don’t tell anyone I am like this”, she nods, looking at me with
her big beautiful brown eyes.
I knew my birth companions would be arriving at 09h30 for their
appointment with me. Phone rings “Hello Bongeka, we by the gate”, the girls and
my ma open for them. “How are you”, “I think I have been labouring”, I say.
Rosalia suspected a stomach bug, but I got a contraction, Sue
looked at me once and said she thinks I am in labour. She checks, “Bongeka, you’re
9cm dilated, the baby’s head is here, feel it!” I feel it. I get up, that’s
when I feel full in my lady garden, I realise she’s right. Rosalia prepares the
bath. I get in. Oooooooohhh, that feels so good!!!! I have to breathe through
the contractions, they are intense. They are at my back, thighs and flow to the
front.
Rosalia is wonderful; she massages my lower back bringing relief,
while she keeps me smiling and even giggling in between contractions. Her and
Sue are both so tranquil, I feel them. They talk to the girls, and give me
confidence.
“I have to push” I think to myself. I need to get her out; she is
heavy on my doorway now. I give a few gentle pushes, it’s such a wonderful
feeling, I feel different contractions now, now there are contractions inside
my vagina as well, they are uncontrolled and feel sporadic. I feel her move
down. I feel full inside. I let out a roar. Sue pulls her shoulders, next thing
I feel is the body sliding out. I turn around; there she is in the water. I can’t
believe it. She frees her voice – big yell!! I realise we had a gentle birth.
Wow. That’s all I could say. Wow.
Welcome. I see you! What took you so long? Wow. She’s beautiful. Wow.
I move the cord, “another girl”; I am overjoyed, like I completed a
marathon. I made it!
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Placenta brings more contractions. It’s soon comes out. They take
baby out to the bedroom, girls follow. Rosalia baths me. I feel in the water
for the blood clots, I take them in my hand; they interest me, their feel. I look
at them, a bright red sheet, thick, almost jelly like! It looks amazing!
I get out, I see her again. So beautiful!
Her father received her name during the pregnancy, and it rings
true. Her name is Sabali.
Friday, 21 September 2012
Do something about it!
Art by : Yin-Yang Drawing - Yin-Yang Fine Art Print - Scarlett Royal via http://fineartamerica.com |
I am due
to birth in a month, I had it all set up in my mind – our new house, children
playing out in the yard with the pets, and my lovely hubby holding the camera
while I free-birth our beautiful baby boy / girl / twins to the world. We all rejoice,
clap hands, and say a thanksgiving prayer before our beautiful life goes on as
usual, only now we’re a family of 5.
“Err, no!”
says the Universe.
My hubby
has been overseas, in the Caribbean, on business for much of my pregnancy. Being
a woman I been on him to get his visa ready since July already, and he, being a
man, would say to me “nah don’t worry babe, I will be there”. Well, he mightn’t
be! He is not a resident of South Africa or Jamaica, so no embassy is willing
to assign him even a transit visa. Looks like he is NOT going to make it after
all. Poof goes my fantasy!
I feel
angry, I wanna cry – I do in fact. I tell him I told him! I’m thinking about my
current situation - staying with my mama, there is no space for the kids and I as
it is! Where are the kids going to sleep? Kicking them out of the bed for a
baby might give them feelings of loss and jealousy? My mother is a medical
professional, I fear she might feel a need to turn my beautiful free-birth into
an emergency, sending me all this crippling fear-anxiety-stress-tension energy that
I felt at my first medically assisted birth, and avoided at my second free
birth. My mind’s racing in a 1000 different directions, but I know if I am to
get through this, I can’t focus on any of that. So, what do I focus on?
I wanted
to go all out, calling people who might know people who know people with
connections. Put pressure on them to make sure my beau is here for me, for us,
but then I thought, “Why”? Really!
Is “doing
something about it” really going to help with anything? I mean I already have 2
good, strong men going all out trying to make sure I am not alone at the time
of birth, so why am I doubting them, doubting the situation, doubting God(dess)?
Maybe I think I’ll do a better job? Am I still seeking masculine solutions to
satiate my Feminine? I need spiritual solutions! I need peace, intuition,
imagination, optimism, trance and ritual, power.
I know
that to many, and in the recesses of my own conditioned mind, I compare this to
people who would rather pray in church instead of going out there and “doing
something about it”. But who says I am not “doing something about it”?! If I call
and ball and do all of this, it will just lead to a case of "too many
chefs in the kitchen", because, as I’ve mentioned, 2 competent men are
already on top of it trying their very best to resolve this.
I need to
play a different role if I am to be of any assistance, of any value here. Why replicate
the Masculine effort when I know for fact that the Yang doesn’t function on its
own?
What I
need, what we need, is some Feminine
awakening, some juju and Yin magic. Some hope, trust and faith, assistance from
the Higher Power.
Today
being Friday, I decide the River, the resting place of Mama Oshun, is the place
to go. And I am realising, I AM "doing something about it", in fact, I
am doing a lot about it! Even Science has proven that all reality is energy,
and that we can shift this energy / reality with the Feminine arts.
I choose to
re-member the Feminine essence in all things, people and events. I choose to
use it as my Yin mind, body emotions and spirit are equipped to do. I choose to
recall that although Masculinity, Yang and external action are sacred, important
and necessary, so are the subtler, mysterious, more magical sides to Creation.
This is the place the Goddess governs, the place where my female nature gives
me great advantage!
So, I pray,
I visualize the greatest outcome for all of us, I collect oranges and honey for
Mama Oshun, for myself!
I create
the greatest life for us in my psychic, spiritual womb.
And you
know what, even if I birth without him there, so what?! Yemaya Auset will be
there, HetHru Oshun will be there, Maat and Sekert and all the Mothers who have
birthed before me will be there, "woman’s intuition" will be there!
So why should any of this threaten or disturb my peace?! It doesn’t make sense
and I am done blaming the Masculine for it!!
Breathe, I
am peaceful
Now,
please excuse me ... I’ve got an appointment by the River...
Love is for my own benefit
I love another
for my own sake
Love is selfless; but for a selfish reason.
It is for
my own benefit that I love, not the other.
Love
cracks open MY shell, brings ME closer to the Most High.
Love teaches
me, grows me, grooms me
I know it
is hard, being a feminine Being
We feel
the pain, the hurt of it all
I love for
the sake of love
Though it is SO
hard at times,
Because the person you’re loving does and will not behave the
way you’d like them to.
I’ve heard
people say “he doesn’t deserve you” “if he loved you he wouldn’t do this or
that”.
I hear this and I get it – my inner Feminist gets it ...
... But my inner Feminine does not
I feel we just don’t
get it.
It tells
me that we’re projecting;
that this sadness, hurt and pain we feel, like all
dis-ease, already has its’ cure within...
I find the
cure in truth - we all reap what we sow.
The love
you have given are the seeds you have sown, the rewards you will reap.
Whatever
seeds he has sown, are his to reap, not yours.
These do
affect each other, but they don’t effect each other.
It is in our
power to choose love over comfort, bliss over resentment, peace & happiness over
stress
And it is
not right, not fair, to expect a man to do all this for us!
THAT is
not feminist, oh but it is Feminine!
Pure Feminine Essense!
I am
finding my peace and solace in Truth.
The
Universal law (Truth) says :
“You reap what you sow”
[Christianity]
Karma
The sum of a person's actions in this and
previous states of existence, viewed as deciding their fate
Destiny or fate, following as effect from
cause.
[Hindu,
Buddhism]
“The
Threefold Law” or “Law of Three”
Whatever energy a person puts out into
the world, be it positive or negative, will be returned to that person three times
[Wicca, Pagan
and most Pre-Judeo-Christian Belief systems]
"Law Of Causality"
Every
action has a reaction
Each cause has an effect
Sometimes referred to as Newtons 3rd law of motion
Action = Reaction
[Physical Science,
Metaphysical Science]
The "Laws Of Maat" or "Laws of The Spirit"
(The Deities (Gods) of Africa, and other continents)
>> Herukhuti, Ogun, Mars (Law Of Causality, Action-Reaction)
"... God does not punish or reward. You will have the comfort of controlling these for yourself ..."
>> Ausar, Mveliqanga, Atum (Law of Oneness)
"What I do unto you, I do unto myself"
"...
nothing or no one in the world can be against you. All experiences come to you
to promote your reclamation of peace, that you may in turn acquire wisdom and
spiritual power."
>> The Goddess Maat (Law of Duality, Reciprocity)
"... Fulfilling God’s need is the highest act of
love, and only through your love for God can you fulfill your love for others ..."
The all-encompassing “Ubuntu”
[Bantu
Spiritual Science. Voudou. Kemet]
The
universality of it all this tells me that this is TRUTH, not belief.
So,
whatever he does to “hurt” me are his seeds to reap,
and
whatever I do in loving him are my seeds to reap.
There is
no in between.
There is
no “using” me or “playing” me
I don’t
want this feeling in my heart anymore; this feeling like my heart is literally
paining.
I want to
love as I am loved by the All ... unconditionally
So, when I
feel the pain of a love betrayed, or a man who is not sensitive to me, or
whatever I am perceiving at that time,
I have
learnt to wait until the clashing waves of my emotions quiet down.
As a sensitive female being I will take the hurt personally, so it is important to give myself time
to feel, to go thru the darkness, grow and come out better to the Light in the end.
It is in
the silences that we hear the voice of the Most High
As Bob
Marley says “When you wake up in a quarrel every day, you’re giving isis
[praises] to the devil I say”
I choose to
wake up giving isis to the benevolent Creator, the Source of true, pure Love
The One
who loves me unconditionally
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